commit me

i have always been deeply intrigued by the concept of marriage. at 34, i have never been married, nor close to it. i bought committed by elizabeth gilbert, because i thought that it would be interesting to look at marriage from different perspectives.

gilbert wrote eat, pray, love - this second memoir picks up where the previous left off - gilbert had met and fallen in love with felipe - a brazilian born man, who grew up in austrailia, but who at the time they met was living in indonesia. they had both had previous sad divorces (i think rarely it is anything else), and swore to each other that they wanted to be together forever, but they didn't want to have to marry to do so. they start building their life together, living in the states, felipe traveling out of the country every three months so as not to overstay his visa, until one day homeland security kicks him out, and refuses to allow him entry. the only way he would be welcomed back into the states is if he is married to gilbert.

they spend the several months traveling, waiting for their case to come up - and gilbert uses this time to research and learn about marriage, to perhaps try to come to terms with it, and discover other ways of thinking about it.

the book is full of interesting facts, and touches the many aspects of marriage - many perspectives and cultures. she is searching desperatly at times, to find meaning and understanding in what being married means.

i like gilbert's voice - she is honest and open and shares so much of herself - that it's almost too much at times. she gets lost quite a bit, and deviates into diatribes on gay marriage and the like. she touches on children, and shares stories of her family and friends, and their marriages, divorces and life choices.

there was something nagging at me consistently throughout this book - she didn't believe in marriage and had no interest in doing it - what an anomlay she is - but gilbert had already been married once. that experience was awful and destructive and it destroyed part of her soul, as it often does. to survive the death of a loved one, or a divorce, are two of the most traumatic experiences a person can live through. i can understand, even having never been married, or divorced, why she would be so against marrying for a second time. i can understand her fear, because to me, that's what it boils down to. fear. and i think that she chose to leave that part out.